Imam Magid The Muslim community in the United States faces a great deal of social challenges brought about by forces from the mainstream society. The forces of the media; the presence of guns, alcohol, and drugs; the proliferation of adultery and fornication; and, the atmosphere of a society lacking guidance all contribute to the challenges faced by our communities. These outside forces have exaggerated all the simple tasks of creating families, raising children, and supporting our friends and neighbors. God has given us tools to solve our community problems, by using the Quran and Sunnah. In addition, Islamic counseling emphasizes spiritual solutions, based on love and fear of Allah and the duty to fulfill our responsibility as the servants of Allah on this earth. Islamic counseling is offered for marriage and family issues, for mental health cases, and for religious guidance. The principles of Islamic counseling are the following: confidentiality, trust, respect, recognizing the difference between arbitration and counseling, loving what is good for other people

One way or another, we all communicate – especially with our partners. Even silence communicates something. But how effective and productive is your communication? And don’t be mistaken, effective communication and productive communication is very different. Most people communicate their anger, disappointment, or other feelings effectively if they want to. But the question is, by communicating their feelings effectively – will they have a productive interaction? For couples who are having problems, the answer is usually no.

CASE STUDY: Jameel and Asma have been married for 11 years and have two children 9 year old Asiyah and 7 year old Ali. They both work full time and lead a busy social life. Jameel parents live in Pakistan but travel US to visit them yearly. Last year his dad had a heart attack. The doctors are recommending bypass surgery sometimes in the future because of two or three blocked arteries. His mother used to run a successful private school for primary age children in Pakistan.

CASE STUDY: Asghar came to US about 29 years ago. He married Sadiqa after finishing his studies. They have only one son Ahmed who is now 28 years of age. Ahmed graduated and is now working as an executive in an international telecommunication firm. They supported Ahmed through his university in getting him computer science and MBA degree. They were overjoyed when two years ago Ahmed introduced them to Azra whom he met in the University.

One way or another, we all communicate – especially with our spouse. Even silence communicates something. But how effective and productive is your communication? And don’t be mistaken, effective communication and productive communication are very different. Most people communicate their anger, disappointment, or other feelings effectively if they want to. But the question is, by communicating their feelings effectively – will they have a productive interaction? For couples who are having problems, the answer is usually no

CASE STUDY: Ahmed and Zahra have been married for 5 years. They had their first child born four months ago. Since this was a marriage of their choice parents on both sides had concerns about this union. Both Ahmed and Zahra decided to treat both parents equally and would alternate visiting his and her parents every Eid. Both parents live in other states where they have to fly as it is too far to drive. Next Eid was Ahmed parent’s turn, however they planned to stay and celebrate Eid at home. Zahra was laid off for a few months and just started a new job and she had no vacation time to take extra time off at Eid.  They also were concerned about the high cost of traveling. They were still paying the bills from the birth on top of student loans and other debts from the marriage.

CASE STUDY: Ali and Fatima have been married for four months. They both work full time and lead a busy social life. A few days before Ramadan begins they start to talk about how they should adjust their schedule to include sahoor and tarawih. Prior to this they would eat breakfast together before rushing out to go to work. One day as they were invited for Iftar at Ali’s parents, with Ali’s married brother and two sisters with their families. Ali’s mom asked what they had for Sahoor. Ali responded “Same as we have every day cereal and milk” Ali’s mom looked at Fatima and said “I noticed my “Pyara Baita” (lovely son) is getting weak and has lost so much weight since he got married. Then looking at her son she said, “You must be missing my paratha and the biryani I used to make for you. Why don’t you come for sahoor on the weekends at least?” Everyone stayed quiet. Fatima felt the cynicism in her mother-in-law. She felt hurt by the comment and felt insulted in front of Ali’s siblings and other family members. She didn’t know how to react.

Assalamu Alaykum, I hope you remember me, me & K use to come to you for marriage counseling… that really saved our marriage. I am writing to you today without letting K know, if he finds out he will probably not be happy. but I need help After our counseling session, both of us worked hard to get everything to go smoothly, I calmed down and accepted my situation. K changed his ways and really tried to understand me as well. As a result things at home calmed down, I stopped answering back and basically just ignored my own wishes and let my in laws do whatever they wanted and that made them happy as well. I stopped even showing my disagreement when my mother-in-law intervenes in everything I and K do. We have not been to an outing or movie for months now as I cannot take the criticism for days after. I especially feel disgusted when my father-in-law talks to me rudely asking me to clean their bedroom toilet. Things at home are good on surface; because I let my In-Laws do as they wish. Despite their continuous intervention I obey them as a slave. I try to hide my frustrations and not verbalize my feelings. I keep everything bottled up inside never complain to K and just let things go.